Divine Romance

When I first decided to follow Jesus, I remember feeling like my eyes had been opened up to a whole new world where anything was possible. I went from resignedly wondering ‘is this it?’ about my meagre existence, to a giddy excitement; the kind that a novel romance might conjure up.

But starting my relationship with Jesus didn’t just make me feel better looking, more interesting or more desirable than I had without him. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I did feel damn special and pretty significant all of a sudden, but this divine romance effortlessly thwarted the menial butterflies of school-fling-frolics and utterly changed my outlook on life. Now I was day dreaming about what l automatically assumed was bound to be an adventure. It had to be right, anything is possible for God.

This is what I pondered the most. Excitement is an understatement. What I started to read in my Bible (which I desired to read even more than I had used to desire to read and reread soppy texts during the pastimes that they cluttered my inbox) was that Jesus was absolutely wonderful and through his father God could do anything. I was particularly captured by the fact that he healed everyone he saw. Wow, this is the guy that has pursued me, died for me and who takes the blame for the bad stuff I have done, so that I also get to call his father ‘dad’(Matthew 6:9). This is the guy that said I am not a servant but can call him ‘friend’ (John 15:15). I was obsessed by what being the daughter of God and friend of Jesus might mean for me.

Think about a person that is special to you. Perhaps you sent them a card today or maybe you are feeling a little disappointed that you would have liked to receive a card from them. Whether it’s love or strong admiration you feel, it can be so wonderful, allowing that significant other to consume your waking thoughts... What makes them happy? What makes them sad? Where would their perfect day be spent? What do they love doing? Do they enjoy the rain? What are their dreams? Do they think about me? Where will they end up in life?

I have been to the heights of loved-up. It can be pretty breath-taking. Perhaps you’re on the lovey peak of Everest today, but you know you could be up a mountain that would make a molehill out of your summit. I’m talking about Jesus. He promises so much more than a string of great dates, so much more than a great sex life, so much more than an exotic holiday, a white wedding, 4 bedroom detached house and kids, and so much more than a great job and a golden Labrador! None of these things are bad by the way, but they’re not the ultimate sources of satisfaction in life either. When I started to spend my thoughts on Jesus I felt more fulfilled and enchanted than ever before. No guy could cast this spell.

I am daily in awe of him, he is better, more glorious and lovely than I can grasp and anything is possible for him, and through him, for me! I am so excited about our future together. I can only faintly imagine what he might have in store for me.

Perhaps today is a sensitive day for you. Maybe you are dissatisfied in your relationship, maybe you are jealous of your friends that they're in one and you’re not, or you are feeling worthless and unattractive. Whichever category you fall into, Jesus is crazy about you and would love to invite you into (or continue) a divine romance with him. Let him sweep you off your feet. His arms are open wide and chocolate, roses or even an engagement ring were not enough to show it - he gave his very life in love for you. He promises only good to you. He is faithful and won’t get bored. He is exciting and abundant in love. He is crazy about you and relentlessly pursuing you. Why don’t you give him a try? He might be the best valentine’s offer you have ever had.

I AM LOVED BY GOD AND THIS MAKES ME HAPPY.

Holy Buzz

[direct continuation from last blog]

... I was invited to go with some friends of the family to a Christian conference during the Easter holidays. The only reason I agreed to go was because it was at Butlins and I figured I could skip the Christian stuff for the fairground and the water rapids! Well to my annoyance, my friends' mum insisted that we sign up for the teenagers' programme. I was disgusted to see my peers singing passionately and 'getting into' prayer and listening to all this religious malarky. I always sat at the back during the sessions scowling and cringing at the thought of my school friends knowing I was there. I was made to go to the programme all week.

On Friday something shifted inside. Rather than scowling, I started to cry. I can’t even remember what was said, but I heard about Jesus for the first time, which was odd as I’d been going to church all my life – maybe it was just that my ears were now open. I heard a woman at the front speaking about how we have each done stuff that we’re ashamed of and have not acknowledged God in our lives, eventhough he loves us and made us to be in relationship with him, we have ignored or discarded him. I heard about how this Jesus, who I'd always pictured woodenly in a distant manger or on a crooked cross in some life-sucking church building, had actually died to give me life! Apparently, me rejecting God, the giver of life, was going to result in death. I had freely chosen death and deserved to be separated from God forever, but on that wooden cross Jesus died a death that should have been mine to reconcile me to God, and to bring me back into the relationship I had destroyed!

I know this all sounds mental and as I type it, I'm like - do I actually believe this? But yeah 14 year old, teenage-angsty me just started balling my eyes out and deep deep down, I knew it was true! I think I'd always kind of assumed that God loved the world, but the fact that he loved me personally was revelation. I felt a tug on my heart and I just knew that I had to let this Jesus in and say sorry to God for turning away and thank you to Jesus for making a way back to God. Balmy I know ... This was a very inconvenient acknowledgement – it was a Friday night if I remember rightly and if I was at home, I’d be stoned, drunk, or both! This Christian thing, just wasn't me... I wasn't sure how well behaved I could be and whether I could stop the drinking and pot-smoking... It took me (and is still taking me) lots of time to continuously realise that following Jesus is not about moral behaviour, but we'll come to that at some later date. So yeah, I said this prayer to God, pretty much like: 'Erm God I know you're there and I know that I haven't exactly been letting you into my life, but I can feel you calling me, I'm not exactly sure what you're calling me to, but I can just feel a tug and how can I say 'no' if it's true that your son died for me - that's amazing. So yea, thanks for dying for me Jesus and sorry for disregarding you. I think I want to follow you.'

And that was it. I was a Christian. I hadn't become weird and sandal-with-sock-wearing and I wasn't thrusting around the Holy Scriptures and bashing people all of a sudden; but I did feel like my eyes had opened for the first time and I was buzzing! It was like I was drunk or stoned, or both, but I just felt all tingly and alive in a very raw way, but this was a holy buzz. I felt on top of the world. I had begun a relationship with the creator. I couldn't believe it. (My friends as it happened, had not responded to God and I couldn't work out why they were not as excitable as me, but I didn't care too much and was dancing around like a bit of a loony). It is probably worth me mentioning now, that life as a Christian, doesn't always make me feel fluffy and invincible and is sometimes times really tough, but that was my experience at the very beginning. That being said, living life for Jesus is an adventure! I wouldn't want it any other way. My question of 'Is there more?' was answered with a resounding 'YES' from the heavens and life has never felt boring since. My trials mean something and my destination is significant. I am not blowing in the wind, but am standing firm on a rock. I will continue next time to share some of the highs and lows of my walk with Jesus so far ...